


woke up hurting

by respoftw



Series: 2018 Hurt/Comfort Bingo [14]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Comfort, Episode Related, Episode: s04e04 Doppelganger, Established Relationship, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 14:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15931907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: Nightmares were a part of John's life





	woke up hurting

**Author's Note:**

> title from the song by Frightened Rabbit.

Nightmares were a part of John’s life.  You didn’t get to kill as many people as he had, to see as much shit as he had, without paying for it on those nights when you were lucky enough to survive long enough and hard enough to close your eyes at night.

For the longest time, it had been Afghanistan that haunted his sleep.  Holland and Mitch and Dex and every single moment when he’d felt like a fraud, fighting a war that he wasn’t even sure he should be part of.

It seemed ironic that in a galaxy that housed things as terrifying and nightmare-inducing as the Wraith, John still dreamed of a more human sort of terror.  Sumner took on a starring role in his nightmares after he left Afghanistan behind, the bullet that he put in his commanding officers head hitting its target every night.  

Losing Ford changed things up again.  John dreamed of finding his desiccated corpse, of not finding him at all.  He dreamed of losing Teyla the same way, of Ronon being captured and forced to run again, of his own hands implanting the tracker in Ronon’s scarred skin.

He dreamed of losing Rodney; of failing Rodney; of having his heart ripped wide open in a way that he knew would never heal.

Nightmares were a part of John’s life.  They always had been. They always would be.  

They’d never felt this real before.

* * *

 

John woke up gasping, the high pitched whine of Rodney’s flatline still ringing in his ears.  Blood rushed in his ears at the memory of knowing that Rodney had died, of knowing that something wearing his face had been responsible, just like it had been responsible for killing Kate.

_ Fuck.  _

John felt his breath catch in his throat until he choked on it.  Curling up, he put his head between his knees and tried to breathe.

The sensation of a warm hand on his back startled him until he recognised the hand as Rodney’s, the callouses from too many singed fingers feeling rough and right against his skin.  John twisted on the bed, pushing himself closer and taking comfort from Rodney’s skin, from the weight of his presence. 

Rodney’s hands never left him.  They were a constant reassurance, a physical reminder that Rodney was here with him, that he wasn’t lying dead on the gurney of the isolation room.

John choked on a sob that he tried to turn into a cough and he felt Rodney’s arms encircle him, pulling him even closer.  John clung on tightly, taking everything that he wanted in a way he never could when the sun was up and the nightmares were far away.  

Rodney didn’t say anything.  He never did when John woke up like this and John normally appreciated that.  Rodney was always so loud, so vocal. The quiet let him pretend. It made it easier to pretend that the comfort didn’t really happen, that it was all a dream. It was easier to accept that way.  But tonight he needed to hear Rodney, he needed to know that this was really real.

“I’m here,” Rodney murmured, giving him what he wanted without John even having to ask.  “I’m here.”

John closed his eyes tight and started to breathe again.

Nightmares were a part of John’s life.

Luckily, so was Rodney.

**Author's Note:**

> This fills the ‘Nightmares’ square of my H/C bingo card which you can see [here](https://respoftw.dreamwidth.org/19969.html#cutid1)
> 
> Please feel free to suggest which square I do next, I'm aiming for blackout! (there's only 5 left to be picked)


End file.
